A · Whiter · Shade · of · Pale...

Over the last two days, I have learned a bunch. First and foremost, I have learned that I need to calm down and stop thinking about everything so much. I've known this for a while, but over the last two days I have seriously driven myself into depression (almost) over stupid shit that I won't stop thinking about, and it's kinda pathetic. It's almost like I'm 14 again or something. I just have to live out 51 more days here, and everything will be okay. I have a feeling that after that, everything is going to fall into place the way I pray it will. Patience is a virtue! I've also learned that I love Bright Eyes. Generally, I would be ashamed of that since Bright Eyes is generally associated with losers. But the music is great. I'm listening to more and more emo, but its good emo. What most people think is conventional emo isn't even real emo. It's sad that a whole genre of music gets a bad reputation just because of a few bands. Oh and also, I have learned that since the Oswego DMV is never busy, I can schedule a road test with relative ease; it is now time for me to get my ass in gear and learn how to drive for real. Before you know it, I might have a lisence! Shocking, I know.

I love you all, and I miss you just as much.

Are you smiling?
Inside I am, lol


When is the last time you met someone new?
I met tons of new people @ Oneonta this past weekend


Truthfully, what is irritating you now?
The fact that I can’t be home with the people I love and miss


When did you last eat pizza?
Last Saturday


Do you drink beer?
Yes


Do you have any friends who are famous?
Not really


Are you any good at poker?
I suck at poker


What do you want?
To be with the people I love


Are you tired?
Nope, I’m wide awake


Last spoken words you heard?
Gojira


Do you know anyone named John?
Yes, I know many people named John


Did you ever make out with any of your pets?
Haha, I don’t have any pets, and if I did, I wouldn’t make out with them


Besides your bed, what is your favorite thing in your room?
All of my instruments, and my wizard incense burner


Pepsi... Coke.... Pepsi... Coke...?
…Coke


Did you ever throw up?
Of course


But did you ever throw up while kissing someone?
No, thank god


Who is the last person you hugged?
People in the band


Why are you doing this?
Because I’m bored to death, and back in Oswego


Is your computer a laptop?
Yes, the one I am using right now is


Are you allowed to stay up later than 10pm on a weeknight?
I do what I want


How many myspace views do you have?
Dunno


Want to be a princess?
Haha


Do you believe dreams come true?
We’ll see over the next year or so


Last song you heard?
Gojira – The Heaviest Matter in the Universe


Do you like Batman?
Batman owns – that’s why Dan wears a Batman mask on stage sometimes


Who is in the room with you?
My roomate


Who's house did you go to last night?
uhh, Justins


Who was the last person you told you love them?
The band


What was the last thing you ate?
A bowl of Raisin Bran


What was the last thing you did?
This survey thing


What is the closest item near you that is blue?
My mouse pad


What are you wearing on your feet?
My feet are naked


What instant messaging service do you use?
AIM


What is your favorite website?
Probably facebook


What is your favorite pair of shoes?
I really don’ like shoes – I’m more of a flop man


What is the last movie watched?
Jeez, I can’t remember


What do you currently hear right now?
Tony talking


When did you last take a shower?
This morning


Wheres your favorite place to be?
Home


Where is your phone?
My pocket


Where is your mom?
Most likely at home


Where do you sleep?
Unfortunately I will be sleeping in my dorm room for the next fifty-something days


Where do you shop the most?
Aeropostale


Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
lol Hot Topic


Where in your house are you?
I’m not in my house


Where was your default MySpace picture taken?
Bandfest


Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because she is amazing, and I wish I didn’t have to wait like two months to see her again


Are you happy with where you are?
Haha, no


Have you ever talked about marriage with someone before?
Oh lord.


Do you want kids?
Yes indeed, I do


How many?
Dunno


Do you believe love at first sight exists?
I think like, an infatuation at first sight definitely exists – I think love is something that has to develop


Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Yes


Do you believe that you can change someone?
Indirectly, through your experiences with them


Would you ever consider getting engaged or married right after school?
After college?
Yes

It has obviously become customary for me to not write in this daily. Oh well. I anticipated writing in it daily, but I guess shit happens. Basically the only reason why I am writing in it today is because this week has been incredible so far, and I feel like making note of it. Originally I was supposed to go on the NYPIRG Lobby Day trip to Albany to lobby for a Mid-Year TAP adjustment. For those of you that don't know, NYPIRG = New York Public Interest Relations Group. It's the biggest student run organization in the state. I didn't get to go on the trip, but I did become the NYPIRG Project leader for Better Government. I'm a NYPIRG intern. This is basically the sickest thing to happen to me since I've been at school. I've finally found like minded people who want to make a change. Not to mention, this internship is the sickest internship ever, and looks amazing on a resume. I'm also going to be a member of Student Association, which is amazing. Maybe I will even run for SA president as a Junior or something. Basically, I'm probably not going to transfer now, because I've been handed two of the best opportunities of my life.

And just a little food for thought. Today I met this dude in my Political Thought and Theory class. I think he's 40 or so - he lives upstate and commutes to Oswego. So anyway, we got to talking about politics, and the corruption of the Bush Administration, and the pussy-ish nature of the entire democratic party and stuff. He asked me where I was from, and I told him. He asked me what my major was, and I told him PoliSci. Then, he asked me if I was raised with a sense of politics and I told him that my dad and I talked about it a lot, etc. etc. Then he told me that up by him, most people don't care too much about politics - they are pretty closed off to it, except for agriculture. Most people support Bush, but when he went to school, he realized how wrong Bushes policies were. Basically, once he took some higher level courses in Politics, he realized that his previous point of view with regards to politics was wrong. Really makes you think, doesn't it? The people that are supporting this ignorance, don't know any better. It isn't their fault, but it is very unfortunate.

I decided to bring Livejournal back. Basically, I'm bored all the time, since Oswego sucks, and I felt the need to add something to my life that will occupy my down time. I deleted my other account, because of a few reasons. Firstly, it was slightly embarassing. Secondly, it brought back a few memories that I've been trying to bury. It was definitely for the best to get rid of it.

So, I've been up to a lot since I got to college. I feel kind of bad for shutting so many people out of my life since I've been up here. It's not that I dont't care. I just don't really have that much time to talk to everyone. There are a lot of people that mean a lot to me that I haven't gotten a chance to talk to in almost a half a year, so for that, I apologize.

I guess I kinda have to start by expressing how overrated college is. Everyone always anticipates going to college and loving it; I guess for the regular person that is usually the case. For me, it has been way different. I'm not really the frat type, or the drinking type, so most of the stuff that people do here doesn't keep me occupied. I don't really go out that much, because I happen to go to a school that caters to drinkers, not people like me. Everything I love dissapears when I come up here. My music, first and foremost, dissapers. Sure, 41st & 5th is still together, but we can't practice when we are in college. It's really hard for me to get through every single day without thr 41st family. I never realized how much they meant to me until I got up here. Now that I'm in college, I realize that all I want to do is make music. I mean, I love being a political science major and I love what I study. The fact of the matter, though, is nothing could ever compare with what I have back home. I'm at home when I am onstage. I feel totally at peace when I am with my bandmates. It is just really hard being away from them, and being away from Barish, Shane Jen, and the rest of my best friends. I consider those people to be part of the extended 41st family. I love every single one of them to death, and I would do anything for them. I also really miss my nuclear family. I never realized how much I loved them either until I came up here. It's very hard realizing that you spent all of your years missing out on great opportunities with your family, and being powerless to change it. I want to catch up on everything with my Mom and Dad, and I can't, because I am here.

And that brings me to my next point. Don't come to Oswego. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I should say that there are only certain kinds of people that can live and work well in this environment; I am not one of them. The political science department here sucks, for one. Everyone is conservative. Nobody wants to work hard for governmental change, and nobody realizes that American is a terribly ethnocentric country with a very closed minded view of the world. It is very hard to sit in a Public Policy class and listen to people talk about shooting immigrants in the face. I really don't know if I can take much more of that. Secondly, if you are a musician, this is not the place for you. The music scene in the "city" of Oswego is dead. Literally, dead. There are no local venues, and no bars that host good music. Not to mention, the people here have been exposed to such little music that they can't tell talent from non-talent. I almost never speak up on it, but I did a couple times during the first semester. This lead to some ugly occurences. Simply put, the phrases "Sweep Picking," "Double Kick Roughs," and "Percussive Bass" are not present in these people's vocabularies. It isn't their fault, and I don't want to hold anything against them, but I cant function in that environment. It's painful and agonizing. I know that most people aren't musicians, and most people don't listen to music the same way my friends and I do. My dad always tells me that I have to get used to that, but it's just really hard right now. Also, the work here is painstakingly easy. I have to work about half as hard for grades better than my High School grades. It just gets to the point where I feel like I'm not getting an education. I am being taught the same thing over and over again. Even my African History class is taught from a Euro-Centric perspective. It's quite ridiculous. I am waiting for the day when I can learn something new. It's bound to be around the corner...or do I have to wait until law school? I have met a bunch of really great people here though; I don't want to take that away from them. I mean, nobody here is like me, and I'm not goign to pretend that they are, but that is the spice of life. The people here have exposed me to something different. They have lead me to understand how different life is outside of Long Island. I am thankful for my experiences up here, even though I am not very happy with the school itself. Every negative, or somewhat negative experience can be chalked up as a learning experience. I am approaching this in that nature. Either way, next year I am transferring. Most likely I will end up a UAlbany. It has a great program for my major, and it is right in the center of political action. Hopefully I can get something great out of that situation. Unfortunately, the band had some trouble with the Oneonta plan. Originally, we were all going to transfer there, but that didn't work out. All in all, Albany is very close to Oneonta and Purchase, so I will be able to practice very often with Jeff and Paul.

Moving on, all of the hardship that I've gone through up here (while minute compared to some of the hardship others have faced) has brought me closer to god. I guess you could consider me a born again. In the past, I always used to handle my problems maliciously. I can acknowledge that I have had an anger problem. In the past I was far too argumentative, and I was also very sensitive about others perception of me. Being closer to god has cured me of both of those things. It has really helped to center me. I realize how blessed I am, and I realize that stubborness is only opens the door for arguments to happen. Everyone is different. I have a lot of flaws as a human being, and I am no-one to judge anyone elses flaws. I asked for forgiveness for all of my sins. I've accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior, and since, I feel almost immune to sadness. I can say I've only been really effected by sadness once since I have accepted Jesus. Becoming a Christian has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I'm going to start going to True North with Barish when I get back from college, and I'm still looking for a church to join up here in Oswego. Unfortunately, there aren't any Christian Non-Denominational churches here. But, all in all, I feel a lot more calm and a lot more accepting since this happened to me. My parents and I never argue anymore, and I haven't argued with anyone up here since I got back up for the second semester. I realize a lot of the things I was doing wrong before, and I realize a lot of the reasons why people thought of me as a know - it - all. I never thought I was the greatest, but I think I might have come across as having that attitude in the past. I hope I can be forgiven for that, and I hope I can be accepted as a new person. I really feel like one, and I have way more love for everyone now than I did before.

A bunch of other things have happened since I got up here for college. My band has finished our second release. We are all pretty satisfied with it. Obviously, we will never be 100% satisfied with anything, because we are all perfectionists, but it sounds a lot better than the last. We've all been working really hard to keep this all together and schedule a tour. As of right now, everything is going great. We are better friends than we ever have been, and we have better chemistry than ever. I'm really really happy with the way we have been progressing. We are looking to make it through college, and get signed after we get our degrees. We want it more than anything we have ever wanted, and we will do everything in our power to get it.

I'm also going to attempt to take up drums full time. It's something I've always wanted to do. I can't play any guitar, but I can do rhythmic things. I guess its time I stopped stealing Justin's kit at practice and soundcheck, and got one of my own and started to learn for real.

As for what I have been doing since I've gotten up here, one word basially covers it. Music. No, I haven't been playing with anyone. As I mentioned earlier, the music scene up here is dead. But what I have been doing is educating myself. I've tried to span as many genres as possible. I know what I like and what I don't like. What I have been able to do though, is learn a lot about new styles that I didn't know existed, and greatly expand my musical vocabulary. My music collection is a bit over 100 gigs now, and I'm still expanding it. I feel a lot more successful musically now that I know more about it. It really is a great feeling. I've also gotten a labret piercing and tattoo. I had to take my labret out, but oh well.

I'm going to try to update this every day, so that I can keep in contact with those I don't get to talk to that often.